Resolutions and life

2009 was the year of resolutions. Despite my best intentions and efforts 9 remained an elusive number. But I still take pride in fulfilling that one resolution that was made on a whim. I knew I will break it in less than a month but to my own surprise, it made it to and beyond one whole year. It was about not buying any new clothes for next 12 months. It was hard at first but after the mark of a month was crossed the idea slowly started sinking in.

There were so many of it in the closet that I hardly wore or not wore enough. So whenever the need be, I would dig in it and to my wonder, discover some pieces that was fit for the occasion. This gave me hope, relief and satisfaction. Who would have thunk this! After I crossed the 2-month bar, rest was easy. Mix and match! It doesn't have to be brand new, we can always create new out of an old one, sure!

Around six months I shared it with others and the initial reaction was it was impossible! I agreed, I thought so too but it was happening and at this point I was almost sure I could do it. There were temptation and one proved near fatal. I still debate if this broke it or not. Case in point - city fair where local artists showcase their work for exhibition and sale. One such artist was a Mexico born seamstress who made one of a kind dresses. The gorgeous dresses were totally to die for. I inquired if she took orders that can be delivered later, which she didn't, nor was she coming back anytime soon. My resolution was hanging on a balance. What to do! Okay, so I guess I sort of cheated there. I asked my husband to buy it for me and I would wear it only after the said year is over. After deliberation, purchase was made. So that was the only blip! The rest of the time, I stayed true to my resolution and soon, the rest of the time passed without much trouble.

Once I reached the mark, I looked back and realized how much more I gained beyond just something denied to self. Besides saving money (you don't spend on clothes, you save on accessories and shoes too), I learnt self-control, the fun of not letting go, contributing towards environment and above all , forgiving myself (about the blip).

After safely crossing a year-mark (its 14 months of staying sober) couple of weeks ago, I went shopping for a new baby's clothes for gifting. As I entered the store, I couldn't help but notice new Spring collection vividly displayed. So what I can't would have been my earlier reaction but out of nowhere I reminded myself that now I can let myself buy for self. I found that feeling so very liberating. Oh that's right. But a year is a long time. My innerself whispered to me - sure I can but I didn't want to. Now that was new! I won't because I don't have to. I smiled at this new me. I made the purchase I had come in for and got out of the store. I feel like a winner. I will when I want and I won't when I don't.